Love as memory
“He suddenly recalled from Plato's Symposium: People were hermaphrodites
until God split then in two, and now all the halves wander the world over
seeking one another. Love is the longing for the half of ourselves we have
lost.”- Milan Kundera
I am no expert when it comes to love. Who is? There are those that claim
that love is ‘nothing more’ than a chemical reaction that can be explained
away. However if this were the case, then some bright individual would have
thought to bottle it by now. I would hazard a guess that it would be a big
seller. As far as we know love potions exist solely in the imagination.
Then what is this love that baffles and confuses us? First of all I
would say that it is rarer then we like to admit. Not everybody finds love.
Just like anything we value it is rare and hard to come by. It is above all a
process, it takes time. This is because love is the art of getting to know
somebody. This is not to be confused with other things that are similar. This
is not a spying exercise. The line between loving and spying is very thin,
however there is a difference. The difference is this: When you spy, you are
spying with another end apart from simply knowing that person. When you love,
knowing that person is an end it itself. This is why the greatest loves are
based on understanding. Understanding is the building blocks of a shared
history. Love and history are very much related. It is when both your personal
historical narratives merge that we call it love. For history is the art of
remembering, or of making memories, as is love. That is why love really starts
when you have things that remind you of the one you love. That is why we find
love and music so interrelated, it is because music often evokes memories of
those we love. It is a simple truism, that those that we forget, we can never
love. Thus the strongest love, I would argue, is based around the strongest set
of collective memories. That is why it is so important for a couple to do
things together.
They may be a simple test for love, and in many ways it is similar to
Nietzsche’s idea of eternal recurrence. Nietzsche posited the thought
experiment that if an demon was to come to you and say you would have to live
your life in its entirety over and over for eternity,how would you handle it?
Nietzsche said those that could embrace the demons challenge had lived the
ideal life. Now to my test for love. Imagine you are on your deathbed, and you
want to continue living. An angel comes to your bedside, and whispers in your
ear, that he can make you young and healthy again. Now it is at this point that
love is tested. For I argue that it is only love is you turn to that angel and
say “ On one condition. That I get to live this new life with my love also”
That is the test, that however strong a pull life may be, it is not as strong
as that shared bond. That is because you have shared so many memories with that
person, that you hardly consider life being understandable without them. That
is why the real love goes beyond passion, beyond beauty. Love can last, because
the great love becomes life itself. For those couples that last, life and love
can become interchangeable terms. That is why the man or woman that does not
want to know your favourite film, or colour or restaurant, or will not come to
the supermarket just to spend time with you, or go to the dentists just to hold
your hand is not worth it. You live but once, if you lived hundred times you
have time to experiment. Grab that person that wants to become history with
you. Grab that person that wants to know what is both good at bad about you.
Grab the person that is there for you without even having to say thanks. The
one that knows what every look on your face means. Grab the one you understand,
and the one that wants to understand you.
By Lloyd Duddridge
